I know some people must advertise everything, but what do you think you’re doing here? You think ho’s just gonna jump into your Civic like that? I pray to Cthulhu you’r not an Uber driver.
Horny Jail
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Author Archives: The Captain
Unnecessary Ducking
Not only is this clearly not a Jeep it’s not even an SUV. What club do you think you’re joining in with here?
Art project
You know what, fuck it. You do you. At least it’s not grey or beige.
Golf Clap
If someone else put this on the car, I’m laughing. If the owner did it themselves…fair play.
Garbage in garbage out
What the actual shit is this? Do you think that this somehow makes your civic look cool? Do you thinks civics can look cool? Does your trunk even open anymore?
Stumbled on this puppy.
Spotted in Fells. Glad they kept the old school rims!
I’m trying to drive, not piss at a shitty gas station.
Lets talk about this, rental car dicks.
FUCK YOU! Fuck you in your ass (unless your into that which is totally cool I’m not judging, but then fuck you in some other uncomfortable way). This is the most inconvenient shit ever. I was told by another rental agent they do this stupid shit so not to loose the spare key for when they resell the thing to some poor bastard who buys an ex-rental. Why on this cursed earth anyone would buy an ex-rental or any fleet car other than desperation to look richer than you are is beyond me. I treated mine like total shit for the 5 days I had her and I’m pretty sure her whole life is lived near redline, jumping over curbs, neutral drops and generally being raped.
Anyway back to this gas station key thing. Since many rentals fleets let you drop off cars at any location they want both keys to go with the car, but that should be their problem, not mine. Oh you can’t keep spare keys organized back at the office and mailed to the other offices, then fuck the customer right? Can’t figure out a place to keep them in the car, like say the glove compartment, then fuck the customer right? But why the fuck do they have to be held together with an overly thick inflexible cable? Oh right just to fuck with you.
Look, it doesn’t fit in your pocket assholes. I mean sometimes it technically will, but with the giant lump in your pocket don’t be surprised if you hear ‘did you just rent a car, or are you happy to see me’. Hey rental car assholes, want me not to loose your keys? Make it so I can’t put them in my pocket. Oh wait that’s right, you charge shit tons of money for new keys so that’s probably the point. Dicks.
This Guy
Seen at random exit stopping for gas in the NC. I actually thought is was a mobility scooter at first. Went just as fast as you’d of thought. Not sure if crazy, ballsy, DUI convict or just didn’t care.
Someone just steal it already
Now this prick knows how to not give a shit. Or they’re dead in the trunk. Being DC I give it 50/50.
I got my first parking ticket in Mobtown a couple of moths ago. Now it was not technically a parking ticket. I caught one for not having a front license plate. Why don’t I have a front license plate? Because fuck you Maryland I’m not drilling into the front of my car for your bullshit. My guess is that since I was parked at the end of the row the fucking parking cunt was out writing a ticket for whoever was parked illegally next to me and decided to do a walk around of my car while at it. Have I paid it? No. Have I received what I believe to be a second notice about non-payment from he DMV weeks ago? Yes. Have I opened that letter? No!
Explaining F1
So Bernie Ecclestone decided to run his mouth off to the press again. Ughhh.
How you have to explain F1 to your friends
Friend: “Is that like NASAR?”
You: “No!”
“Indycar then?”
“Well kinda, not really. No. It’s way better.”
“Oh it’s the European one, that’s owned by Putin?”
“No! They have one race in Russia but Putin has nothing to do with it. One of the guys who runs it is a bit of and old crazy and says stupid shit.”
“You mean that Nazi guy?”
“No! That guy ran the FIA for a while. But he wasn’t a Nazi, His parent were. Well kinda, not really it’s complicated. Don’t judge a person by their parents.”
“But didn’t he get caught having sex dressed as a nazi?”
“No. He was not dressed as a Nazi! The hookers that where flogging him where.”
“So he’s not the one that likes Putin.”
“No that’s his friend Bernie the other guy.”
“Who runs F1?”
“Well, kinda, not really. It’s complicated.”
“Oh he’s like Tony George”
“No this is not Indycar. Bernie is just the commercial rights holder.”
“Oh that guy who hates women?”
“He doesn’t HATE women, he just doesn’t think they can drive or should be in F1. But he actually does sometimes It’s complicated.”
“But he doesn’t like immigrants right? Big Trump supporter too I heard?”
“Look, I..I don’t know. He loves taking money from immigrants, in their home countries where he has races I guess. I don’t know, its complicated. He says stupid stuff.”
“Like saying Hitler got stuff done?”
“I really,… I don’t..Just.. just watch the race.”
“They look like Indycars, but don’t sound as good.”
“I hate you and this sport.”