All posts by The Captain

I saw this nine fucking days since the last of the snow, you trashy ass cunts. There wasn’t even any snow on the street at all in the whole trashy ass neighborhood filled with trashy ass peoples. Seriously the whole putting garbage out to keep the spot you shoveled thing does at least announce to the entire public who the trashy ass thugs are in every neighborhood.

But to you, It must be hard being such a special little snowflake.

Your time is no more precious than anyone else’s in the city. You didn’t do anything anyones else with a car didn’t do. You don’t own the parking spot you dug out any more than you own the sidewalk in front of your house you’re supposed to dig out. Your labor was to get access to your car, not the spot. Want to keep that spot? Don’t move your fucking car then. Do you put out cones to stop people from walking down the sidewalk after you shovel it? Fuck you, a small amount of labor everyone else in this city had to do doesn’t suddenly make public property yours. Fucking assholes!

Well it looks like I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.

It really doesn’t even matter if I dig her out or not since the streets are still a bit unappeasable.

What the living shit is this?!

Can someone fucking explain this to me? Actually screw that, I defy you to explain this to me! Who the fuck is this add campaign for? What stupid ad executive shithead thought this was in anyway a good idea? How many potential Doge/Ram truck buyers are fans of The Hunger Games? For that matter how many fans of The Hunger Games can fucking even drive?

I can only imagine that this is the result of a marketing contract that no one actually read. Somewhere someone at FCA (or whatever the fuck Fiat is calling Chrysler today) and Lionsgate had lunch, drinks and then accidental sex back in 2012. In an effort to write the hotel room off, they wrote up a marketing contract to tie in Chrysler with whatever Lionsgate biggest hit would be in 2015 when hopefully they’d be gone. They then passed it on up the chain figuring it would never fly anyway, and eagerly awaited accounting to reimburse them for the hotel room. But instead no one fucking read it, thought about it in any way, or asked “so what might that movie be?” and just rubber stamped it. Perhaps someone did read it and just thought Lionsgate was making the new Star Wars movie?

Then at some point three years latter The Hunger Games hits the numbers and a work order was generated automatically by a computer and sent to the marketing department who must have just shrugged ‘well it comes from corporate’ and mindlessly started the impossible task of either selling Ram trucks to tweens, or convincing older working class guys to buy a truck based on that movie their kid won’t shut up about that they’ve never seen.

If you really wanted to market Ram trucks to older working class men using the Hunger Games they just should have used the leaked photos of Jennifer Lawrence’s asshole, slapped a Dodge logo on it and called it a day.

Sometimes good satire is too truthful.

Sometimes a small car doesn’t come in handy. Sure she handles fucking great, driving it is fun, I never have to drive when there’s a group going out, and I get to have the top down. Buuuuut the cargo capacity is a bit limited.

So this is the camera gear a client shipped to me to use for a few days, that I then had to get back to UPS. I probably should have made two trips but fortunately the UPS store was down hill from my house so I could pretty much just drift all the way there. Which I had to do since if you look closely at the first pic you can see that I couldn’t actually get my shifter into third gear due to the lack of room.

My gymnasium is a never ending supply of automotive douchebaggery. There needs to be a simple rule printed on the keys of trucks like this that just says “asshole, park this shit in the back of the lot”.

O.k. This one was exceptionally difficult for me to handle. I appreciate you probably drive her hard, but why man why?

The car is slightly biased towards oversteer (mostly because of the go cart handling at the front). But not too much, and you can mostly tune that with some front and rear width tire stagger. But at high speeds where a wing would come into play would you need it? Perhaps, but not this monstrosity. Oh someones god fucking no.

And yes, that is a sticker of Darth Vader asking “who’s your daddy?” I also don’t know how I feel about that either.

So you know those big ass metal plates they throw down over giant holes in the street? Ever worry you might fall in one while people say “nah you paranoid”? Well here’s your fears.

During the never ending pile of noise and destruction that is the city’s gas line replacement they left a giant hole on my street with a metal plate over it for days. Now since half the people who cut down it can’t seem to go under 50 mph it was only time until this shit finally happened. After hearing a loud ass crash I walked out to find this. I felt bad for the guy (though I don’t believe for one fucking second he was “only going 20”) since he broke his front axle, and hopefully the city will pay for this shit (and charge the fuck out of the contractor that did this).

So with mom stuck hobbling around the house after knee surgery dad and I headed out to check out a pawn shop in Myrtle Beach when we found a random car show and of course had to bust a U. After joking that I’d probably not see a single foreign car my dad brilliantly jokes he’d find more rebel flags and thus started the game of rebel flags vs foreign cars. In the end it was 3-3. Not bad, I thought there’d be a lot less foreign cars.

What, did you think it would be another McLaren? They wouldn’t drive that down here out of the screaming while wildly flailing their arms in the air principle of the matter.