I’m trying to drive, not piss at a shitty gas station.

Lets talk about this, rental car dicks.

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FUCK YOU! Fuck you in your ass (unless your into that which is totally cool I’m not judging, but then fuck you in some other uncomfortable way). This is the most inconvenient shit ever. I was told by another rental agent they do this stupid shit so not to loose the spare key for when they resell the thing to some poor bastard who buys an ex-rental. Why on this cursed earth anyone would buy an ex-rental or any fleet car other than desperation to look richer than you are is beyond me. I treated mine like total shit for the 5 days I had her and I’m pretty sure her whole life is lived near redline, jumping over curbs, neutral drops and generally being raped.

Anyway back to this gas station key thing. Since many rentals fleets let you drop off cars at any location they want both keys to go with the car, but that should be their problem, not mine. Oh you can’t keep spare keys organized back at the office and mailed to the other offices, then fuck the customer right? Can’t figure out a place to keep them in the car, like say the glove compartment, then fuck the customer right? But why the fuck do they have to be held together with an overly think inflexible cable? Oh right just to fuck with you.

Look, it doesn’t fit in your pocket assholes. I mean sometimes it technically will, but with the giant lump in your pocket don’t be surprised if you hear ‘did you just rent a car, or are you happy to see me’. Hey rental car assholes, want me not to loose your keys? Make it so I can’t put them in my pocket. Oh wait that’s right you, charge shit tons of money for new keys so that’s probably the point. Dicks.

Someone just steal it already

DCTickets

Now this prick knows how to not give a shit. Or they’re dead in the trunk. Being DC I give it 50/50.

I got my first parking ticket in Mobtown a couple of moths ago. Now it was not technically a parking ticket.  I caught one for not having a front license plate. Why don’t I have a front license plate? Because fuck you Maryland I’m not drilling into the front of my car for your bullshit. My guess is that since I was parked at the end of the row the fucking parking cunt was out writing a ticket for whoever was parked illegally next to me and decided to do a walk around of my car while at it. Have I paid it? No. Have I received what I believe to be a second notice about non-payment from he DMV weeks ago? Yes. Have I opened that letter? No!

9 Fucking Days! It’s been 9 Fucking Days!

I saw this nine fucking days since the last of the snow, you trashy ass cunts. There wasn’t even any snow on the street at all in the whole trashy ass neighborhood filled with trashy ass peoples. Seriously the whole putting garbage out to keep the spot you shoveled thing does at least announce to the entire public who the trashy ass thugs are in every neighborhood.

But to you, It must be hard being such a special little snowflake.

Your time is no more precious than anyone else’s in the city. You didn’t do anything anyones else with a car didn’t do. You don’t own the parking spot you dug out any more than you own the sidewalk in front of your house you’re supposed to dig out. Your labor was to get access to your car, not the spot. Want to keep that spot? Don’t move your fucking car then. Do you put out cones to stop people from walking down the sidewalk after you shovel it? Fuck you, a small amount of labor everyone else in this city had to do doesn’t suddenly make public property yours. Fucking assholes!

I need a Jeep

Sometimes a small car doesn’t come in handy. Sure she handles fucking great, driving it is fun, I never have to drive when there’s a group going out, and I get to have the top down. Buuuuut the cargo capacity is a bit limited.

So this is the camera gear a client shipped to me to use for a few days, that I then had to get back to UPS. I probably should have made two trips but fortunately the UPS store was down hill from my house so I could pretty much just drift all the way there. Which I had to do since if you look closely at the first pic you can see that I couldn’t actually get my shifter into third gear due to the lack of room.

Truck Hole

So you know those big ass metal plates they throw down over giant holes in the street? Ever worry you might fall in one while people say “nah you paranoid”? Well here’s your fears.

During the never ending pile of noise and destruction that is the city’s gas line replacement they left a giant hole on my street with a metal plate over it for days. Now since half the people who cut down it can’t seem to go under 50 mph it was only time until this shit finally happened. After hearing a loud ass crash I walked out to find this. I felt bad for the guy (though I don’t believe for one fucking second he was “only going 20”) since he broke his front axle, and hopefully the city will pay for this shit (and charge the fuck out of the contractor that did this).